Dear Mr. Colbert,
You alone, as a fellow South Carolinian and ruler of all opinion-givers, have the power to solve a serious problem that I am facing. I humbly beseech your assistance in the following plight:
Help me, Mr. Stephen Colbert.
You're my only hope.
I desperately need the
Colbert Stamp of Truthiness
on my Goldendoodle comedy material.
Not The Bump, I need The Stamp.
I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that this "Stamp of Truthiness" doesn't even exist. I realize that. I am asking that you create one!
As President Elect Obama narrows his list of choices for the White House canine, the Goldendoodle remains a frontrunner. The breed's potentially imminent rise to fame could have every pundit, commentator, and comedian soon cracking "doodle" jokes. As I'm sure you will see, this jeopardizes the uniqueness of my original material.